Progress and Evil Haas Avocado

Sometimes my thoughts come from strange places; in this case it was at BWI airport waiting for an early morning flight. I was eating breakfast and suddenly I was thinking about progress and change.  This line of thinking was the fault of the evil haas avocado, yes it is evil.  We will table that line of thought for a moment and go back to progress and change.    Cool words, they sound like positives, but are they always.  It seems so many times we engage in progress for the sake of progress.  The first question has to be do we really need to change it, will we make it better or just different.  I have found myself for the past few years drifting more and more towards “old school” behavior and what can I say, I like it.  Some things are perfect the way they are, they don’t need to change.   Since this blog is about rants, tirades, and other observations, here are a few examples of unneeded progress or change.

 

1.  Shaving razors, the world has gone from the straight razor to the safety razor; this was good progress as you are less likely to open an artery during the morning routine.  Then two, three, four, five and more blades came along.   More blades on a razor = better shave, bulls%&@.   Unneeded progress. Then there was the vibrating razor, perhaps for multi-tasking, wink wink nod nod.   

For the past two years I have been using a single blade safety razor.  This is the best shave of my life, close and comfortable and frankly dirt cheap.  It is not fancy, it does not shake or shimmy it just cuts clean and close.  There is just no commercial of this razor running all over your face like a car.   If you want to learn more about this excellent shave see this post here on the Art of Manliness.  http://www.artofmanliness.com/2008/01/04/how-to-shave-like-your-grandpa/

2.  Turkey Bacon, what hell is this, bacon should be bacon, not chopped, pressed, and formed turkey parts.  First of all real bacon is tasty and turkey bacon, well tastes like cat butt flavored cardboard.  Yes real bacon has 160 more calories, but it has 500mg less sodium and 170mg more potassium for those watching their blood pressure.  If you are one of those that say you like the taste of turkey bacon, you are just agreeing with your wife to avoid a fight, sorry.  Leave bacon alone, unneeded and unwanted progress.

3.  Making self-esteem more important than results is just progress we do not need.  As a society we are trying to keep our kids from experiencing failure or loss since it may hurt their feelings, I simply don’t care.  Life is about picking yourself up from failure, growing a set and doing better.  I am working on a complete post to explore this topic more completely and I am sure it will probably be offensive to some.

These are just a few thoughts, I have many more but that would turn into a novel.  Let me know your ideas of progress we just don’t need.  I am hoping I am not alone in this train of thought, if I am we surely are doomed.

Before I stop, let me finish up with the evil haas avocado.  How was the evil haas avocado responsible for this post?  Back to the beginning it was my usual morning flight out of BWI.  I decided to try a new place to grab a simple breakfast.  Quickly looking at the menu, an order was placed for bacon (real bacon) and egg breakfast wrap.  I took my first bite and my unholy god there was an avocado paste smeared all over the wrap, they added avocado to bacon and egg, to quote South Park “You bastards”. 

Suddenly my delicious breakfast turned into a tortilla coated in a baby crap spread.  So I thought of avocados, they are the symbol of bad progress.  Everywhere you go people are putting avocados on food that is perfect the way it is:  burgers, club sandwiches, crab cakes, cob salads, pancakes, brownies (why brownies).  Don’t get me wrong I like avocados, guacamole it just fine, but there is a limit.  Don’t change food just to sound fancy or get attention, leave my dammed brownie and breakfast wrap alone.

June 25, 2015 at 09:28PM

At a certain age and/or girth it is no longer a good idea to wear your daughters clothes. Just saying.
via http://ift.tt/1CxyACO

You are never too old...

You are never too old.  Simple statement, yes but how powerful a mantra.  I got started on this line of thought after my grandfather’s 95^th birthday party. 

It was a good party and I believe he enjoyed himself.  At 95 he suffers from dementia, not a complete surprise at his age but we are fortunate that he is still aware.  For those who he sees on a regular basis he knows and he looks forward to visits. He has been through much in his life and as of late faced some challenges, three years ago he was hit by a truck and broke his hip.  After the rehabilitation facility told us he would not get better and we should place him in long term care we took him home, today he can walk again with a walker, I guess you are never too old to recover even when those around you don’t think you can. Two months ago he had to go into surgery for a hernia.  Came through well and is now home again. Once again you are never too old as long as you have the desire for life.

So we celebrated his 95^th birthday albeit a couple of weeks late due to the hernia, but we celebrated and as I learned from my grandfather again you are never too old to have your beard filled with blue cake icing and smile.  The party once again brought family and friends together which is what my grandparents always did and my grandfather did the same just by simply never being too old. 

While we were there we engaged in an epic multi-generational snowball battle.  My uncle, cousin, cousins wife, my son and daughter, and myself played for quite a while and cold hands and tired arms later we knew we had fun proving you are never too old to play in the snow.  I am sure my grandfather would have played but he was busy with too other activities you are never too old for, getting a second slice of cake and preparing for a nap. 

So it was a good day. 

I watched my kids help my grandfather, my daughter was busy cleaning the blue icing from his beard and my son brought him his stuffed bear. Which brings us to the final lesson. You are never too old or too young to enjoy your family, tell them you love them, or just give them a hug.

Addendum to men should not look pretty

Additional rule.  Sports coat and shorts...No

Warning Labels and Natural Selection

So here we go with warning labels.  I can understand some. But we have gone way too far.  We have to be warned that coffee is hot.  That drinking bleach is bad.  That curling irons are for external use only(I know…).   Hell I even see things on TV for lawyers about ice machines can cause frostbite.

Some of my favorites

Do not use as dental drill – Rotary Tool

May cause eye irritation – Pepper Spray

Warning knives are sharp – Knives

Product will be hot after heating – Microwave Meal

Not for Human Consumption –Triops Fish Food

 

Time for a bit of common sense and natural selection. We cannot have someone else protect and warn us about everything we may face as we go through our lives.  Where does it stop?  I am sorry but if you are too irresponsible or dense to realize that using a hair dryer while in the shower may not be your best choice then we need to slowly start breeding that particular trait out of the gene pool.

Do you want protection and warnings about everything?

Think about something simple.  A cup of water. Does not seem too dangerous but it is a deadly and dangerous thing.  What would the warning label look like?

Warning
Spilled water is slippery
Drinking too much water  may cause death
Drinking too much water may lead to excessive urination
May cause ear infection
May cause malaria and other illness through breeding mosquitoes
Do not submerge nose and mouth may cause drowning
Cup may break causing sharp objects
Water may freeze causing excessive coldness, brain freeze, hypothermia, and frostbite
Water may get hot causing burns, and steamy conditions leading to fog and poor visibility

I guess the most depressing part of this is simply the label exists because either someone was dumb enough to actually engage in the behavior that the label warns against or someone in a room understood people well enough to know that someone would do this if they were not warned otherwise. Such as do not put hands in piranha tank. They call it a warning I call it a learning opportunity.

Ok in all seriousness it is about avoiding responsibility for our own actions plain and simple.  That’s it.

Men should not look pretty...

So really when did men decide they need to look pretty. I just don't get it. I am not delving in to orientation here. I really just don't give a damn  if you are  hetro, metro, homo, bi, tri, hyper, trans, sans, or whatever kind of orientation you live.

I am talking about short shorts, Tight pants, Five gallons of hair product, Manscaping. Manicuring, Pedicuring, Exfoliation kind of living. Maybe I missed the memo or maybe I choose to ignore it. I am sure we could eliminate our dependence on foreign oil simply by cutting male hair product usage by fifty percent. I still subscribe to what I suppose is the out dated belief that the bathroom is reserved for the three s's. Ok.and teeth brushing as well. If I have to define that for you I won’t figure it out. If you can’t you are probably already doomed.

Here are some simple rules for men to follow regarding this topic.  Violation could result in having your man card revoked.

-If hair grows there leave it. The face is an exception since it is just so much fun to annoy your wife with different facial hair trimmings.

-If you need more than a dime size amount of hair stuff or it takes more than 30 seconds yes that is all that is allowed then your hair is either too long or you are really just working too hard.

-Sandals and Jeans…No.

-Clothes should be loose, form fitting means you need a bigger size

Men should be handsome or good looking, not pretty. The second question to ask is why do females find this appealling. Since when did words like rugged, manly, and  tough get substituted with metro and sensitive.

Maybe much like other things it is a societal pressure. Just like air brushed magazines telling females what they should look like effect their perceptions of themselves,  they are also being told what they should find appealling.

 I plan on raising my kids with my old fashioned beliefs that men should behave, act, and look like men.  I still believe that deep down women deserve and ultimately will discover that the man they should seek is strong both mentally and morally, posses physical and mental toughness. The only fashion advice a male should be able to give their spouse or girlfriend is that they look nice and not how to color coordinate.  They should also not share hair tips or products.  Let’s hope this is just another trend that will loose ground and fade away, and not the continued wussification of our males